He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
