my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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