Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
