KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
