I just cut my nipple shaving
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize