It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
