i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
