I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Congratulations! We have a period
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