You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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