When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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