she was so not down for the gang bang
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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