before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
