I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
