After last night, I could never be a politician.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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