I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish i was in the wii world.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He shit in the fireplace
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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