some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
