I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
