I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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