He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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