She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
