I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize