i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
