Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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