So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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