I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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