i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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