why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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