Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
