Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize