shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
