well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
