I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
