Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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