glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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