just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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