Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
