this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
