all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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