Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
