i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
