If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
