I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
