i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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