I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
