I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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