I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
