Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
