i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
