apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
