I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
