yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
