Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
