He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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