Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
