wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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