did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
