Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So many bounce houses so little time
We are two peas in an std pod
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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