I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
