he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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