can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
