I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I still have a little drunk in my system
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