you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
