she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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