This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
