He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
