Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize