Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
