Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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