you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
