if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
