your room smells of hookers.
And success
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize