some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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