After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
