the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
