last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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