oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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