VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Randomize
